43 Year Old Word Problem

November 25, 2008

Question:  If my 43 year old finger is traveling in one direction at high speed and collides with a 32 year old kneecap traveling in the other direction at the same speed, which one will get to the emergency room first?

The answer, of course, is my 43 year old finger.  Not even close.  Dislocated and looking like a reflection in a fun house mirror.

From the sausage-like swelling and pounding pain to the odd phase-shifting thing happening at the first knuckle where the bone dislocated and moved to a place it should never be, my finger looked like something out of a cartoon where faces routinely take on the shape of frying pans and smashed fingers the shape of the offending hammer (pictures available on request, though my friend Peter saw them and doesn’t recommend viewing near mealtimes).

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Men, Yoga, and Unnatural Positions

November 25, 2008

Several years ago my friend Madeline tried to get me to try yoga.  I maturely responded, “Not a chance…chick thing.”

Turns out, Karma’s a bitch.

Flash forward a couple of years to the night I threw my back out reaching to flush the toilet (needless to say I made up a better story for public consumption – something about a hoops game at W 4th Street and hyper extending my back reaching for an alley oop).

After three days unable to walk and a week moving about like a 95 year old, I found myself in my office with Madeline.  She spoke in short declarative sentences to make it through the fog of painkillers I was taking: “yoga good for back.  you try”.  If it would stop the back pain, I was ready to try anything.

To my surprise, the yoga felt good – really good.  Heather, our graceful, incredibly strong, pretzel of a teacher was great, never caring that I was a wildebeest among her regular gazelles, just nurturing me along at my own pace.  The clincher was the number of gorgeous, flexible, scantily clad women who do yoga at 7 a.m. – a great way to start the day.  I have been doing it twice a week since then, enjoying the yoga and the view, and taking care of my back.  But always in the back of my mind was the understanding that when testosterone based life forms venture into estrogen dominated activities, there are some things we are just not supposed to do.

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