Knocking Around Town

February 17, 2009

Have you ever stubbed your toe?  Of course you have.  Have you ever noticed that stubbing your toe, like getting cut off in traffic, has an almost 100% probability of eliciting an audible curse from an adult?  It usually goes something like this:

Stub.  Searing pain.  Hop on good foot, grab injured toe and squeeze hard.

“Gah-DAMMIT! OW!  DAMN!  %$#@!  @#$!  etc.”

Now take it a step further:  have you ever stubbed your toe in the vicinity of a child?  Everything cited above still holds true, but when your wife comes in and asks what happened, her heretofore angelic child will dutifully tell her, “Daddy banged his goddam toe.”  With a smile no less.  And much as you would like your child to forget the aforementioned word, it will pop up again and again.  And again.  Usually in front of your parents.  Or a prospective employer.  Or a member of the clergy.    Read the rest of this entry »


5 Children By The Numbers

November 25, 2008

Give child bath every day until 6 years old:  2,190 baths per child x 5 children = 10,950 baths given.

3.5 years of diapers = 1,278 days of diapers x 4 diapers a day per child (average) = 5,112 diapers per child x 5 children = 25,560 diapers changed.

I tried to run the same numbers for upcoming education bills but my calculator started belching smoke.